Couples Coaching & Counselling
Relationships are much like having to tune an instrument to get the best performance from it, or adjusting your posture in a yoga class to improve flexibility!
Couples in conflict suggests there is a loss of connection – this could be a loss of connection to your authentic Self, and a loss of the connection you used to enjoy in the early stages of your relationship.
Informal research has revealed a sequence of developmental stages that relationships go through over time. In the early stages, two separate individuals join together and form a unique “we”, and has a strong influence on each other. There is a fine balancing act between where you are and where you want to be and this is often where the struggles show up.
If you believe problems and disillusionment are inevitable, you are right! Fortunately, they are not a sign your relationship is doomed. The potential to experience deep and meaningful personal and relational growth is available when you gain perspective of:
- How you think about your difficulties
- How you manage your feelings
- How your attachment style shows up in your relationship
- Where you focus your attention
- How you act and communicate under stress
- How your differences contribute to the conflict and disconnection
Your inherent capacity to know what is best for you will move you forward and unlock your potential.
Couples coaching can help you gain a clearer, more objective view of yourselves, your lives, and your relationships. Disconnection and conflict are caused by the difficult stuff each partner does or is responsible for.
Understanding your attachment patterns may help you to understand how you protect yourself during stressful times.
You may identify with some of these unhealthy strategies:
- Withdrawing from your emotional self and the relationship
- Blaming yourself or your partner
- Hiding or denying your differences to avoid conflict
- Attacking with or without contempt and escalating arguments
- Getting angry, sarcastic, dismissive
- Getting anxious and trying harder
- Fantasizing and disconnecting
- Feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with your partner
Emotions are our life force and a vital part of a meaningful relationship. Having our needs met, establishing healthy boundaries, and feeling safe and connected help us develop a healthy relationship.
When we are unable to feel safe and connected, we are unable to sooth ourselves and regulate our emotions and feel safe in our body.
Understanding:
- How our early attachment system affects our lives today
- How single or multiple adverse events have shaped our experiences
- The way our nervous system adapts to adverse events that become “our norm”
Single or many negative emotional events have a physical impact on your nervous system. Feeling connected to, trusting of, and safe in your body is directly related to your ability to recover and regain your sense of connectedness within your body.
Try practicing just a few strategies:
Self-soothing techniques: that help to slow down and stabilize your nervous system.
Mindfulness: brings you back into your body helping you stay engaged and thinking clearly instead of becoming overwhelmed, disconnected or highly reactive
Curiosity: by asking helpful questions that deepen your understanding of your partner even when you don’t agree with them, you are less likely to trigger an unhelpful reaction
When you recognize that struggles do not indicate a failing relationship but rather a call to action.
When you view your relationship as a journey along a path of development
You will be well on your way to rekindling and reconnecting with your significant other.
To find out about how I can support you please contact me via the website, phone, WhatsApp or email.
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